it’s all a matter of self acceptance.

ok, so he’s noisy again, my neighbour that is.
What a song and dance I seem to making of it- I know. But these things are never about the trigger, it’s a deeper issue here. And, my neighbour is obligingly holding up a mirror for me again.
I went straight to sleep when I got into bed last night- pure heaven it was. Then- 12.30a.m. he starts crashing around. I was angry- so so angry. I don’t like being angry- anger is my least favourite. I want to be all sweetness and light. But, undeniably, anger was and is there. I slept again. 5.30 a.m. he gets up- I wake. I don’t go back to sleep. Again- another night of not enough sleep for me- my eyes are sore and I’m sick of suffering my days because I haven’t rested well. It feels I would be challenged even if my kidneys were functioning fully.
So- I get up, I do my yoga practise, I eat my breakfast and go on with my day. He is still sleeping at this point. I open a cupboard and knock a bunch of coats off their hooks- I am angry!!! Angry angry angry!!! It made a noise. The anger jumped onto him- my neighbour- I feel furious with him (because I made a noise), and that’s when I discover the ‘more’ of the situation. The ‘more’ being- what else is going on here. I see that I do not allow myself to make any noise, and then of course, this translates to- ‘no one else is allowed to make any noise.’
As a child I was told off if anything was loud- cupboard or car doors banging, even chewing or breathing too loud!! In retrospect I can see that this was simply due to the adults around me being in their minds- any noise snapped them back to reality- a reality which they would rather avoid.
So here I am now- 34 years old and still living by the rules, (and holding everyone else to the rules too). I think it’s about time I challenged that particular rule, don’t you?

Happy Tuesday every one. It’s sunny and beautiful here, even through these sleep deprived eyes 😉

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