So, my noisy neighbour. Things changed.
Every time he woke me up, crashing around his flat like a bull elephant, I felt the annoyance, I cried the tears. I got up, out of bed and wrote…and wrote…and wrote. I looked at what memories it was triggering- I looked at where else in my life similar situations were playing out, I looked at where I was being noisy (internally or externally). Then I slept well- for 3 solid nights. Bizarrely I thought nothing of it.
After that, I got a message from my neighbour asking if the noise had reduced- I realised it had, I asked what had changed. He has covered the bare floor with rugs!
this much clarifies itself for me over and over again. My noisy neighbour is a teacher for me in this respect. His noise either prevents me falling asleep, or wakes me up at some point in the night or early in the morning, every day.
And almost every day I have a subtly different response to it.
People are telling me a whole bunch of different things that they may do in my situation- but I have a sense that action isn’t really the answer. This man is a teacher for me.
I have spoken to him kindly SEVERAL times, I got angry with him once, I have shouted through the ceiling at him on another occasion- none of these attempts to change the situation have yielded any fruit that has lasted more than a couple of days.
I want to think that the objective reality is that he is an insensitive arse, yet when I look at that, I cannot know for sure that this is true. Because if it were absolutely True- it would be consistent- and its not. I see a deep sensitivity in him sometimes.
So I have to look at what I am projecting. He is a good one to project into- I am aware of him every single day, yet I very very rarely come into contact with him in the winter, when everyone is pretty much doing their thing and then hibernating again. I get to throw everything at him in my mind and not to his face, so I can get away with it.
Here’s the thing- I don’t want to get away with it.
I want the Truth, that’s why I’m here. I want all this bullshit to unravel, because I know that on the other side of it is a peace greater than the mind can fathom.
So this morning- I have to look at that- feel the feeling of disrespect towards him, see where I don’t respect myself. I need to look at its opposite- the feeling of awe, and see where I feel like that about myself. I need to reclaim all these parts. I don’t want to waste my energy chucking them around any longer. I don’t want to kid myself anymore that it is the fault of the other, in this case my neighbour- in my experience, it is not.
So many beings are telling me to stand up for myself- but all the times I have tried have not helped and I ended up feeling more powerless. So I must change this situation from the inside- that is authentic power. What happens may stay the same, but at least out of the situation- I will be more awake, more aware, and hopefully a little more free.
I just to add, that I don’t intend to advise anyone through what I am sharing on this blog. It is how I see the particular situations that are arising in my life, and how I am feeling to deal with them on any particular day. Tomorrow I may feel differently, and almost certainly – your situations will need to be tackled in whatever way is called for and felt by You to be correct.
All love to you, and thank you so much for reading- I really appreciate it.