I was reading through fellow bloggers posts this morning, finding such beauty in the words of these complete strangers. Strangers in one way, yet I know them all- the way they weave their words, describing with such eloquence, the beauty of Being and the challenge of our shared humanity.
Then (and he didn’t come as a surprise), I notice a greyness approaching…a familiar voice comes in- I would bet everything that you know him too. He is the one that says, in one form or another – that you are ‘not good enough’. I watch him creep into my awareness subtly. He is grey and sly, he sneaks in through the back door. If I wasn’t paying attention he could get in unnoticed- then before I realised what was happening- he would have sprawled himself out on the sofa, dropped crumbs everywhere, turned the tv up too loud, and basically taken over my home.
But I did catch him this time, and, as innocuous as he may appear at first, I know that if I believe his gentle enough opening lines, he has got me- I will find myself inviting him to stay, and- based on previous experience- he is one of the hardest house guests to evict- he is one who long overstays his welcome.
I look at him and see his weakness. His bold, harsh, critical words- all a masquerade.
I’m not interested.
He came in to tell me that my writing ‘isnt as good as other people’s’, I look him square in the eye and say ‘so what? It is an expression moving through me right now, I’m not in competition.’ That flummoxes him- he has no power without my collusion, and he has no choice but to slip silently away. Leaving me to free the stream of words onto the page. I have no doubt he will be back, but he isn’t getting supper in my house anymore- he will have to find seek his nourishment elsewhere.